he likes me, he actually likes me!

With all the battles I have on a daily basis with the big kid, it's sometimes way too easy to forget how good it can be between us. I too often forget that he has an incredible sense of humor, and that he has a sweet heart, and that he treats his baby siblings like gold. But today, I was reminded that he truly still is a little boy who needs me. Here's how this afternoon went down.

There's a boy at J's bus stop who he has befriended- they sit together on the bus and play with toys that he brings in his backpack. They're not in the same class, and they don't have recess together, so really the morning and afternoon bus rides are their only times to play together. A while ago, I broached the idea about inviting him over to play after school with J, and last week it finally came to be. We brought him home with us from the bus stop, they played a ton of things, he stayed for dinner and we brought him home around 7:00. It was a very full afternoon. It was fantastic to hear J upstairs playing with a friend (and a boy at that-- the big kid seems to usually only befriend girls). Other than the kids of our friends, this marked one of the first times J had a friend of his own over. (Not to diminish the friendships he has with our friends' kids at all-- it was just a different experience.)

So, after their play date (can you still call it that when the kids are 7??), the offer was reciprocated. Since spring break has officially started and there is no school tomorrow, today was the day that the big kid was invited to play over at the other child's house. I met with the child's high-school-aged sister yesterday at the bus stop to give her our phone number, since their mother would be at work. (At first I was a little worried that there wouldn't be an adult at home, but it is literally across the street from us, and I've talked with his sister before and felt that it wouldn't be any different than having a teenaged babysitter. Only it would be the middle of the afternoon and I'd be right across the street.) She told me that she'd pick them up at the bus stop, give them a snack when they got back to the apartment, and I planned to pick him up at 6:00 pm. Two hours in total- the kids had big plans for some Playstation and legos, and I was excited for J to have this new experience. (Again, other than playing at our friends' houses with their kids, he hasn't had this type of experience. I guess he's a little behind in this area from his peers...)

Well, around 4:45, the phone rang, and there was the child's older sister calling. I hear, "Um, is this Miss Dawn? Um, J is a little sad and says he wants to talk to you." I ask if anything happened, and she says, "No, he's just sad. Here he is." The big kid gets on the phone and immediately starts to softly cry.

Ugh. My heart broke.

I ask him if he's okay, and he simply says, "I just miss you." I ask him if anything bad happened, and he says, "No, I'm just ready to come home."

This is the child who routinely communicates with me by rolling his eyes, huffing that exasperated breath that says, I cannot stand to even be in the same room with you, and oftentimes tells me to just leave him alone. This child misses me.

Oh, the anxiety. The poor kid seems to have such a hard time catching a break. Along with the ADHD, he was so very fortunate to have inherited my anxiety issues. I totally understand it- he was in a new and unfamiliar situation, and the emotions became more than he could process. I guess in that moment when he became overwhelmed, he felt he needed to seek out the familiar, the comforting. And apparently, that was me. That's a nice feeling for a change.