looking for a quick read?

And you don't mind your heart beating so fast that you worry you may be reading your way to a heart attack? While I enjoy a hyperbole now and then, I am not exaggerating to say that while reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, I repeatedly had to stop and get a drink or simply walk away from the book because my heart threatened to pop out of my chest from beating so hard. But, of course, the suspense of NOT reading and finding out what in the world could be happening next was even worse, so once again I would find myself picking up the book and immersing myself in this dystopian world some more.

There are some incredible reviews of this book out there that are easy to find, and I don't imagine that my mini-review on the side over there brings anything new to the discussion. All I know is that this book was like none that I've read before. Yeah, it's technically classified as a 'young adult' novel, but it packed a thought-provoking punch that I don't know if I could have handled as a 12 year old. The foray into politics and totalitarianism government, along with the question of how a government made up of human beings could completely lose its humanity is pretty intense stuff. Add to that a barbaric event of Gladiators-meets-reality-tv-meets-"The Lottery" and you've got one frightening saga. The typical adolescent trials and sorta-love-story(ies?) were on the fringe, but made the characters all that more believable, even when the setting is ghastly difficult to comprehend.

As a reader who does NOT find herself wandering the science fiction aisle at the library, as well as not having read a YA book since being categorized as a 'young adult' myself years ago, I very adamantly recommend this book.

what's all that sniffling at the end of the aisle?!

It's a rare occasion when lovely hubby and I get to act like adults, sans children, so when an opportunity arises, we leap at it like one of those stranded-on-a-desert-island-guys seeing an airplane flying overhead. Such was the case the other night during our holiday visit to my in-laws. My dear mother-in-law graciously offered to watch the kids-- including running the bath/bedtime routine!-- so that we could have some actual grown-up time. It was pure joy to walk around Barnes & Noble and have the time to look at the tables full of potential-to-reads, without having little hands pulling me in the direction of the kids' section. (Although I did spend a long time looking at the new Tomie de Paola book-- it's gorgeous!) It was lovely sitting at a bar and looking through the Mensa puzzle book that lovely hubby bought for me during our book store jaunt (alas, Mensa won't be beating down our door for our membership any time soon...). It was so relaxing sipping away at not one, but two Amaretto sours (aaahhhhh...). It was simply delicious to have time just to chat with that handsome lug I chose to grow old with. And he was even so gracious as to agree to see a movie that presumably was as chick-flick as they come. Sappy love story, some undeniably-difficult-to-overcome challenge that prevents the lovers from being together, and one hot-hot-hot lead actor? Check, check, and oh-my-hot-tamales, CHECK.

We paid our $47 dollars for movie tickets (okay, just a slight exaggeration, perhaps) and spent the next three hours with our bums glued to the seat for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. While I didn't realize that the film was that long, I did anticipate shedding a few tears. I did not imagine that I would be doing so for a good 98% of the movie, or that it would be the type of crying that would more accurately be called weeping, or that the energy expended in trying not to disturb the other moviegoers with my sobs would cause a 24 hour headache. Oh yes, this movie got to me.

I'm not too good with concisely describing plot, so head over to the film's official site if you're interested in that info. All I know is that this movie brought out a slew of emotions and made me examine things that are simply not all that much talked about. The overarching theme of aging is an obvious one, and it's incredibly telling to say that lovely hubby and both had a difficult time watching the older side-characters live their lives to their ends throughout the movie. It sounds callous to say, but isn't it true that as a society, we're just not all that comfortable with old people? We can suspend our thoughts about our own inevitable aging process in our regular day-to-day lives, but if you're surrounded by the elderly, how can you not be consumed with thoughts of what the end of your own life will look like? It all seems "so far off" as to not be worthy of our time thinking about it now, I guess. To me, it's too damn scary to think about losing the abilities that I have now physically and mentally. Who will I be if I'm not like I am right now? I remember significant moments in my own life's history and while I may not look exactly the same, I still feel like the same person on the inside who had that first kiss at 13, who spoke at high school graduation, who stood in front of friends and family and pledged my love for the tall cutie all those years ago. Will that still be the case in 20, 30, 50 years?

Then there's the physical emphasis that this movie forces you to confront. To watch the character of Benjamin live his life physically backwards is a lesson in challenging assumptions-- the outside rarely matched the inside for him, except I guess when he was 'middle-aged.' As an infant, his physical shell was in it's 80's, and as he grew older, his body went backwards, but in many ways still followed a similar path. The whole idea of our lives being circular comes to mind-- immobile, limited mobility, peak mobility, then all heading back to limited or no mobility once again, as an example. I had to keep reminding myself that even though he looked like a septuagenarian, he was still a child in his mind, and the flip of that at the end of his life. Oh man, to watch him become a child and then a toddler and then a baby just about killed me. Yes, I am crying once again just thinking about it. Life has a natural progression for us, and watching him do the reverse made his imminent death feel all the more painful. Seeing him in the stages of my kids and knowing that it was his final act affected me way more than I expected it to.

And then there's love. The love that a parent (biological or not) feels for the little people under her care is indescribable. The character of Queenie was by far the one that evoked the most emotion from me. The risk that she took in loving Benjamin and letting him live a life that was most unexpected overwhelmed me. This character was more on the sidelines, but her role in the story was always on my mind even when the events on the screen didn't involve her at all. In the same vein, there's the love that Benjamin had for his own child, and the unbelievable sacrifice he made to ensure some normalcy for the lives of those he loved. Without giving too much away (and honestly, if you hadn't planned on seeing this movie, may I say- get thee to a theater right away!!), suffice it to say that his decisions made me sob so intensely that I'm still wearing bags under my eyes two days later. At the center of it all, of course, is the romantic love between Benjamin and Daisy, our star-crossed lovers whose love story still follows a common path even in such "unusual circumstances." The full depth of their love wasn't even apparent until the end for me, I think. The tenderness that Daisy displays in her caretaking of him in his final decade or so brings a new understanding to a 'lifetime commitment.'

Honestly, I cannot gush enough about how this film tore at my heart. My emotions are still all stirred up over it, and as pitiful as it sounds, I'm tearing at the bit to drop another pretty penny and spend a whole new three hours with a numb butt just to see it all again. Anyone else up for it?

Christmas memories

Over the last few days, I've had several of those moments, you know the kind. The moments where you step outside of the experience for a split second to watch it play out and think to yourself, this is a thing that I want to remember for a good, long time. For me, those moments also can be defined as blog moments-- the things I want to record here, since this is the vehicle that I hope will help me to remember 'the good old days' when my memory has completely been rendered useless from years of rearing these crazy children. Unfortunately, between the poor computer-to-person ratio in our house these days, plus the little detail of Christmas Day and all of its accompanying festivities, those blog moments have melted away like chocolate in my hand. (Okay, 'melted away' may not be the most appropriate turn of phrase here... 'disappeared in a micro-second' may be more fitting...)

I've most enjoyed having lovely hubby home for the last two days (and for 9 more days to come!!), and unbelievable as it may sound, we've had a very relaxing set of days at home as our bustling family of five. Christmas morning was mostly calm (yes, I said unbelievable, but true), and the kids were pleased with their gifts, and the day was spent being together and playing and cooking and eating... just as it should be. Lovely hubby posted best about the morning. Throughout the day, there were several moments that I wanted to treasure-- Pudge and his never ending pleasure with life, Red and her exclamations of absolute joy while opening her presents ("Are you kidding me?" "I. CANNOT. BELIEVE. THIS. (ala Quincy of Little Einsteins) and "This is so cool!"), JAM and our reading aloud adventure with A Christmas Carol over the last few days. Seriously good times.

The best time, by far, of Christmas Day, came in the evening, after the glazed ham dinner had been happily consumed and the chocolate pudding pie remained only as smudges upon the faces of my three little ones. The best time came when the kids and I settled down in the living room and popped in the DVD of my favorite holiday-movie-you-used-to-only-be-able-to-see-once-a-year-on-tv. Frosty the Snowman. While JAM has watched this many times in the past, this was Red and Pudge's initiation to the simple story that I have loved since childhood, and it was a lovely one. Red was enthralled from the first scene, and while Pudge isn't yet interested in sitting in one place for more than a few seconds, he had several snuggly moments on my lap, laughing and dancing along with the music. Best of all, while the four of us giggled together at the "Happy Birthdays" and other exclamations of Frosty's, lovely hubby was toiling away in the kitchen putting food away and washing dishes.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

holiday greetings, blog style

Perhaps this is the Christmas card I SHOULD have sent this year...




Well, my fabulous bloggy friends, 'tis the night before Christmas and all through my house, the children are sleeping and the lovely hubby is wrapping (and there better not be any damn mice stirring). The tree lights are all aglow, as is the laptop screen. All that's left is to lay out the loot and stuff the stockings with goodies (or crap from the $1 bins at Target, whatever). Then we'll lay our heads down on our comfy pillows to sleep for approximately 17 minutes before being awoken by the screaming banshees we like to call our children.

Here's wishing you the Merriest of Christmases and Happiest of Hanukkahs, and most importantly, the joy of spending time with loved ones.

Peace!

I heart symbolism

Have you heard the latest Inauguration news? Oh yes, when President-Elect Barack Obama will be sworn in to the office of the Presidency, there will be a very special and historically symbolic component of the ceremony.

Read for yourself. Very, very cool.

oh, what a year it's been

I do enjoy tradition-- simple ones that are easily remembered and carried out. While I didn't think much about it last December when I wrote my original end-of-the-year-list, I feel like this has the makings of becoming a bloggy tradition. I've been thinking about it in the back of my mind for at least the last few hours, so the time has come to pull it all together.

The Top Ten Things that I Liked, Laughed At, Smiled About, or Generally-Remember-in-a-Fond-Way of 2008.

10. Simply put- books make me happy.
I made a resolution last year to use Shelfari to keep track of the books that I read in 2008, and I even got all wordy (shocker!) and wrote mini-reviews of each of them here in blogland. I am proud to say that I had expected to read maybe 20 books this year, and if I complete one more I'll have reached 30 by year's end (including the 4 middle-grade-novels that I read aloud with JAM). While that may not even come close to some of my online book club book-fiend-friends, it's more than I expected, so I consider it a personal accomplishment. This year's books leaned heavy on the nonfiction, which allowed for some interesting thought-provoking reads. And of course, there was Wally Lamb. Books were saviors for me, in many ways, this year.

9. Cakes can be delicious, or deliciously hysterical.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not telling anyone anything they don't already know, but man, this site makes me laugh every single day. Cakewrecks is taking over the nation, and there are bakers out there who break out in a sweat when they even think someone is pulling out a camera in their shop. Just spend a little time checking out the photos (a few hours could really fly by just perusing this blog). You may want to pour yourself a tall glass of cold milk first. I'm just saying.



8. A whole lotta lovin' goin' on.
It seemed like this was a major year of babies. Three good friends of mine popped out little ones, two in the Spring and one just this month-- adorable boys that I hope my own littlest guy won't terrorize in the coming years. It's great to have friends going through the baby stages along with you, people who can empathize about your sore nipples, sleepless nights and general mom exhaustion. The line of hand-me-down collections is a major upside, as well! Congrats to you, Sian, Bin, and Jamie-- you ladies so totally rock!

7. Numbers dropping... slowly... but dropping nonetheless.
A year ago, my body was still trying to get accustomed to not having a tenant anymore, and the numbers facing me on the scale were frighteningly large. I've been trying, in my own little way, to kinda lessen the amount of food that I shove in my mouth each day, and for a while, I had a little bit of an exercise routine going for a few months (yes, that is one of my nonresolution-resolutions... it will start again...). While I still have a ways to go, I'm proud of the 40 or so pounds that have disappeared off my body in the last 12 months.

decorating the tree in 2007, and bulging out all over...

decorating the tree in 2008, with significantly less up-front-baggage...

6. The oh-so-bearable lightness of Pudge.
Not so much in the same vein as the last entry, as this child truly lives up to his name, but definitely in spirit. Our little guy who just a year ago was still a scaly-skinned, blotchy-red, still-sorta-newborn, has now become the happiest, smiliest member of our family. His giggles make my day, and he simply exudes love. He hugs and kisses his brother and sister with absolute joy. He's just the dearest little guy.

5. I just made you say underwear.
Funnily enough, Red's entry on this year's list isn't all that different than last year's. While I may not have made a big deal about it here on my bloggy space, the fact that Red took a few days to make the diaper-to-potty switch, before she turned two and a half, was a HUGE deal this year. Not changing 47 diapers a day between the two of the littlest ones became a real bright spot in what was a challenging year in many other ways. Now, she has assimilated fully to our family and takes advantage of the bathroom-basket-of-goodies any chance she gets.

4. Take me out to the ballgame.
This year marked the beginning of my career as a Bleacher Mom. JAM signed up for Little League, and we spent many an evening eating picnic dinners on the sidelines while cheering on our favorite little Astro. I know nothing about sport talent, but I thought he held his own and he had a fabulous time doing it, so it was a hugely successful endeavor in my opinion. We're gearing up for baseball season in a few months, and we'll get used to sandwiches, fruit and Cheezits as a weekly supper once again.

3. I blog, therefore I am.
Sure, call it cheesy, but this little space of mine on the www certainly brought me joy this year. From the beginning, the point of this blog has simply been to exist as a place for me to get it all out. Those things that pile up in my head, those things that bother me, those things that elate me, those things that crack me up, those things that I just have to think through-- this has been the home to them all. A little bit of self-reflection goes a long way, and for me, there's no better way to do that than through writing. And the coolest part of all? I even dragged Lovely Hubby into the blogosphere with me. We are now that couple that asks each other, "Did you read my blog today?" Yeah, we're that cool.

2. We got each other some tin cans, baby!
Back in May, LH and I had the extreme pleasure of celebrating the fact that we haven't killed each other in the last 10 years of marriage! Yeah, we haven't strangled each other yet! All kidding aside, this amazing man has been my partner in life since 1994 when we were silly little college freshmen, and our marriage four years later wasn't exactly predicted to be the most solid thing in the world by more than one person around us back then. But, fast forward ten years, and you'll find us happy and crazy together- and even more dedicated to each other than ever.



And the number 1 thing that brought me some SERIOUS joy this year? C'mon, if you're still reading this, you've probably got a good idea about what's coming next...

1. Yes, we can!

November 4, 2008. That date was hands-down the happiest day of the year. While I may not agree with every choice President-Elect Obama has made in his transition period to date, it is by far the understatement of all time to say that I've never felt so invested in the politics of our nation. I hope he continues reaching out to us regular folks with continued press conferences after he takes office, as a way to keep us informed on the status of all that desperately needed change he has promised. I hope his Presidency marks the beginning of a Renaissance period for our country-- in so many ways, we need a rebirth. Let's hope his administration can be considered a 'do-over' for the last dismal eight years. In just 30 short days, it all begins.

Once again, another year has passed, and while I could focus on the tough times, the frustrations and the wrongs that have occurred, it most definitely is a whole lot more fun to think about those times that brought a smile to my face. Thank you 2008 for providing a lot more of those moments our way. Hoping you all have had as wonderful a year-- bring on 2009!

this week's guffaws- holiday style

Can you believe that the last weekend before Christmas has come and gone? The majority of the gifts for the kids are purchased, wrapped and tucked up in the attic, and since we're not traveling until the end of the week, I'm not even suffering from any holiday-induced-stress. Nice. I guess we'll make some cookies later in the week-- remember again, I am no Martha-esque mom here-- but other than that, it looks like it's going to be a relaxing week of hanging out at home. (I'm ignoring the ridiculous amount of Winter Break Homework that JAM has to complete over the next two weeks for now...) Other than two final gift projects that we need to work on, we are smooth sailing for the next 4 days. (Having said that, I now fully expect some minor-scale calamity to strike our household.)

In honor of the upcoming holidays, I have two rather long and similar-in-format seasonal guffaws, that both really cracked me up, even if I have seen them before. Let's read some emails, shall we?

"Why the Work Christmas Party was Canceled"

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party".
=================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but I can't put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
=================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party...the days are so short this time of year...or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit furthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the rest rooms.
=================

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, tap-dance on your heads?

Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.

Okay???
=================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit".

It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.

Could we lighten up?
=================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party Vegetarians!?!?!?
I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes ... but you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.

Tomatoes scream when you slice them... I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now...!
=============

FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Chanu-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas!

Ready for another one?

"THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS"
(a classic from the archives, updated for the age of E-mail)

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 14
My dearest darling John:
Where on earth did you find a real partridge in a pear tree? Thank you a hundred times!
All my love forever, Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 15
Dearest John:
I received your sweet gift. Imagine: two turtle doves! They're adorable.
Thanks again!
Love always, Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 16
Dear John:
Aren't you the extravagant one. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens!
Love, Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 17
Dear John:
Today I got the four calling birds. Now really, they're beautiful, but isn't that a bit too romantic?
Affectionately, Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 18
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the UPS delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. Just in time, as those birds squawking were starting to get on my nerves, and I was beginning to wonder about you!
Love, Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 19
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining. Please stop.
Cordially, Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 20
John:
What's with you and freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop everywhere. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop!
Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 21
O.K. Buster:
What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds - they had to bring their cows! There's manure everywhere and I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off, smarta$$
Lydia
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 22
Hey Bonehead:
What are you...some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing - and I mean playing! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors want me evicted.
What were you thinking?!
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 23
You rotten jerk:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I say "ladies." They've been fooling around with those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you.
==============================================

From: Lydia Zeltow
December 24
Listen you "#$%&*^#"
Great - now there's eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies. All twenty-three of the birds have been trampled to death in the orgy. The pipers have even started getting the cows into the action. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine!!!
Your sworn enemy
==============================================

From: Harrison Burnsley, Esq.
December 25

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Ms. Lydia Zeltow. The destruction of her property and peace of mind was, of course, total. All correspondence should come to our attention. Should you attempt to locate or contact Ms. Zeltow at the sanitarium where she now resides, the attendants have been instructed to have you arrested on sight.

Wishing you all a Super Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, Kickin' Kwanzaa, Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years.

one of these is not like the others...

I love the fact that in this photo, JAM is the most appropriate looking one. Our three goofballs are joined here by the children of great friends. So great that they are still talking to us, even after Pudge slyly molested their youngest's backside while wearing an innocent I'm-not-doing-anything expression, and Red glared hateful rays in everyone's general direction. (After, apparently, she slipped something hallucinogenic to their oldest son...) This is simply one of those pictures that had to be shared.

martha, I'm not

I have crafting envy. Yes, I admit it. Gretchen, Pam, Lucia-- you guys post such amazing and beautiful projects and creations that I often feel like I simply must be missing some 'crafty gene' that you all have clearly been blessed with. I not only am missing the skills needed to run a sewing machine or man a glue gun without inflicting injuries upon myself (and possibly those who are nearby), I also simply do not have the eye for crafts. Literally, I had to look online to make sure I was preparing a paper doll chain correctly. A paper doll chain, people! I was pitifully proud that the two designs actually somewhat resembled snowmen and gingerbread guys.

Red's version of snowmen (with two done by the also-not-artistic Mommy)-- if you look closely enough, there is one with an actual face created by my dear 2 year old!

JAM's gingerbread guys-- much better than the actual cookies, in my opinion. Although they really should think about quitting their group addiction to pipes.

So, given the fact that even the most simple craft poses a challenge for me of the no-crafty-geneness, I was thrilled to see this blog post. The author, Sarah, is a cool crafty chick, and I so appreciate that I came upon her blog at a time when she posted an actual doable craft for someone like me. (I have yet to try the cooking project in the post, but that is an absolute to-do someday.) The craft, though, was easy enough for JAM and I to complete together without any frustrations or need for band-aids. Here's our finished product:

Now, go check out how easy this is, especially if you are as much the anti-Martha as I am. Tis the season to be crafty, and there are even times when the not-so-crafty can join in!

wanna laugh?

I mean, seriously- do you want to laugh so hard that you'll sprinkle your keyboard with tears and be in actual physical pain? While I know it's not Sunday, this is simply too funny wait for an official guffaws post. My dear friend B sent this link along my way today, and I think I'll have to look at these pictures many, many, many more times in the weeks to come... just to keep my Christmas spirit up.

Are you intrigued yet? Here's a hint-- if we were to offer anything of the nature of this story, it would be this picture. While it's not nearly up to the par of what you'll see with the link, it still makes me giggle every single year when I put the frame out with our Christmas decorations. I'll never forget that fun day at the mall in 2002.



Go ahead, you know you want to see.

Oh yes, this is a book I want to have.

looking back on the year... with a list?

Yes, that's right. It's the most wonderful time of the year. The time to take a good look back on the previous 12 months and arrange our reflections in list form. We will be inundated in the next two weeks with lists galore, and I for one, eat it all up with enthusiasm on an absurdly geeky level.

That is why I about peed my pants in excitement when I opened my mailbox on Saturday. As expected, my Time magazine was stuffed in there, and that normally brings me great joy by itself, but when I saw the cover, my happiness went through the roof.


Just like the cover states, there are serious lists in there (Top 10 Medical Breakthroughs, Top 10 Green Stories, Top 10 Under-Reported Stories), right alongside those oh-so-very-much not-so-serious ones (Top 10 Fashion Faux Pas, Top 10 Songs, and the 10 Things Lost Forever-- gotta love the special kick to that one). My only complaint is that the feature came to an end! More lists! More lists!

Will anyone out there be putting out their own year end lists? Last year I looked back on 2007 with my own list, so we'll just have to see if I got it in me for 2008...

this week's guffaws

Maybe? I'm still trying to figure out if this one is actually funny, or if it just makes me a little bit sick. It's another late night, so I'm going to cut the chit-chat and get right to it. Financial crisis humor, anyone?

Young Bob bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, “Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.”

Bob replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can't do that. I spent it already.”

Bob said, “Ok, then just bring me the dead donkey.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”

Bob said, “I'm going to raffle him off.”

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!”

Bob said, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.”

A month later the farmer met up with Bob and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”

Bob said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.”

The farmer said, “Didn't anyone complain?”

Bob said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”

Bob now works as a consultant for Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan and the US Federal Reserve.

How about another little one to end with? Here's another one that at first makes me laugh, especially Dave Barry's comment about it, but then I get to thinking... is this right?? Introducing The Babykeeper.

Calling it a "Restroom Baby Hanger," Dave Barry wrote, "While you're doing your business, your baby hangs there on the wall like a cute li'l mini-paratrooper, looking happy as a clam...." Yeah, if you're really intrigued enough to read more, you can check out the company's website. On the site where I saw this, there was one comment that made me laugh out loud: "You know how people always forget their umbrellas?" HA!

Hope you're all out there rushing around mad to get all your to-do-list items crossed off since you've just realized how amazingly close it is until Christmas... no? Just me? Here's to another laugh-filled week!

'tis the season, bnl style

You already know that I *heart* bnl. You may not know that I adore the entire holiday season-- basking in the glowing lights of the Christmas tree, seeing the snowman decorations all over my teeny-weeny house, hoping each and every year for a snowy December 25th in our dear state of MD. Well, 'tis the season to put two great loves that go great together.

Barenaked Ladies came out with a long-long-long-overdue holiday album 4 winters ago, and it's been played just about a gazillion and one times in our household over that time. My favorite song, by far, is this unique take on the holiday season, from the perspective of an elf. They aren't unionized, apparently, but hopefully the Christmas Workshop industry isn't going the way of our auto industry and won't be needing a bailout anytime soon...

Song title: Elf's Lament
Album: Barenaked for the Holidays
Year of Release: 2004

I'm a man of reason, and they say "'Tis the season to be jolly"
But it's folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance
To ideas meant to free us
If you could see us, then you'd listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There's no union
We're only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude can reflect on one's attitude
But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know, I've heard there's even been illegal doping
And though we're coping, I just hope it's not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you think you see improvement
But when thrown into the moment, we just don't seem so courageous

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

You look at yourself
You're an elf
And the shelf is just filled with disappointing memories
Trends come and go, and your friends wanna know why you aren't just happy making crappy little gizmos
Every kid knows they'll just throw this stuff away

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned, feel undermined
Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a beverage
And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys went

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf.

Let's keep those poor little elves in mind this season, huh?

firsts and lasts

Okay, I'm not that big on memes... or so I thought. They come in handy when there's bloggy time to fill, and this one that I recently saw on another blog looked like fun. If it were to have a name, I guess it would be called the 'First Lines' meme, in which you put together a list of the first lines of the first posts of each month for the whole year. But I especially liked the take that a fellow local blogger gave it, in which he added the last line of the last post of each month as well.

Are you still with me?

So here's the list for 2008:

January: Some people make New Year's Resolutions. And I got a truly strange blog post out of it, to top it all off.

February: I hate rain. Yeah, she's my little monkey.

March: This week brought some pretty funny things to my inbox and my internet surfing, ranging from the quite innocent to the VERY off-color. (Now it's your turn to wish that back to me... please...)

April: I miss my blog. (Oh, sidenote: I was somewhat ashamed of myself that after I finished my vacuum-fest, my first thought was, I can't wait till the kids go to sleep so I can blog about this. Am I addicted, or what?)

May: As today is the official 100th anniversary of one of my kids' favorite songs Take Me Out to the Ballgame, a post about baseball seems only appropriate. I'm totally soliciting your advice, so bring it on!

June: I have been remiss in my guffaws posts, and after a week like this past one, I cannot think of a better thing than to sit back and try to let out some laughs. Things are looking up, my friends, definitely looking up.

July: In some ways, it feels like the week has flown by, since we've been floating on the high of lovely hubby's acquisition of employment. And that makes me happy.

August: I'm not an inherently patient person. I think it's pretty safe to say that I just may see another tear or two pop up, yet again.

September: As I sat down to nurse Pudge in the later part of the morning, I guiltily reached for the remote control, figuring it wouldn't kill anyone around here if Mommy watched 15 minutes of TV. Care to sing along?

October: Have you seen this? It's not rocket science!

November: Please, please tell me that you've heard this. From what I've read about this book, I've still got quite a bit ahead of me.

December: Yes, whoever coined that oh-so-frustratingly-true phrase, the terrible twos, hit it smack dab on the head. (I guess I can't add anything here, since I don't believe I've written the last post for the month yet!)

Was it just me, or was that a little bit of fun?

the hour I first believed

While I'd love to blog ad nauseam about my life right now, I am in fact feeling too nauseous from some nasty stomach bug thing that just about killed my digestive tract last night. Instead, I offer a quick post that strongly encourages you to visit the 5minutesforbooks website. I am extremely grateful to Jennifer, the editor over at 5MFB, for getting a reviewer's copy of Wally Lamb's new book The Hour I First Believed sent to me, and even more shocked that she actually posted my review on the site today. If it hasn't been made abundantly clear yet, I absolutely recommend this book!

let's call this post Obama Facebook ATT iphone youtube...

What in the world?!

Yeah, this was interesting to me when I saw it on a political blog that I read. (I also obviously adore when the blog goes in a little-bit-of-a-pop-cultureish direction as well!) So, if one was interested in increasing the traffic to his or her blog, one could theoretically use these top google search terms in random titles to his or her posts. I'm just saying.

Interested in seeing what folks are searching all over the world? No fear! You can get that info for 34 different countries as well. While it may not be on the top ten, I know that the most commonly searched phrase that has brought strangers to this here bloggy place is, and I'm honestly not making this up... fat pregnant lady. There have been some simple variations-- picture of fat pregnant lady, fattest pregnant lady, pregnant lady too fat. Nice, huh? You go ahead and write one little post, and suddenly you're the Queen of Fat Pregnant Ladies all over the world. And the kicker-- 99% of these searches have come from India. What's up with that?

this week's guffaws

It's been a busy two days, and my weekend to do list is still a mile long at 9 on Sunday night, so this week's guffaws are small in number. But oh my, while tonight's offerings may be small in quantity, the humor quality couldn't be any better. I'm sure there are people who would argue about the legitimacy of these videos, as in, "No one could seriously be that thick, right?" but these ladies sure sound convinced about the absolutely unbelievable phenomenon they are confronted with in each of these clips. (Could these chicks somehow be related?!)

For your viewing pleasure...

glumbert - Rainbow Sprinkler Controversy

But, wait there's more...

glumbert - Stupidest Woman On The Highway

Hope your laughs are many this week!

interlude

I have a pretty steady blogging rule-- once it's out there, it's out there. With that in mind, let's just say that there is a need for a tiny bit of lighter fare this evening, given the dramatics of the previous post.

Can you tell that lovely hubby is out tonight, and I'm all by my lonesome? Well, after writing the previous post, I used my time wisely and watched this week's Grey's Anatomy online, since lovely hubby is not such a fan anymore. It is more than a bit frustrating that it airs opposite The Office, since Thursday appears to have the monopoly on the only television shows that I want to watch. Oh well, while the cat is away, the mouse will watch full episodes online with only four 30-second commercial interruptions.

The mouse will also take a moment to write a ridiculously silly post inspired by said watching of the online episode simply to ask this question: Have you seen this guy?



Yeah, I know he's been around on film and such for a long time, but man oh man, he sure is making GA a whole lot more enjoyable these days. This whole Izzie/crazy-loving-up-a-ghost storyline is making me more than a little queasy, and since the Meredith/Derek relationship storyline seems to be on the back burner for now, I'm all for the introduction of a new, complicated, hotter-than-hot hot doctor to Seattle Grace. He's the reason I ever stuck around when lovely hubby was watching Rome on DVD. Yes, I like this guy.

There, how was that for a ridiculously meaningless blog post about a silly TV show? Kind of lightens the mood, right?

paging management...

... of the anger department, that is. Yeah, I never saw that movie with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson before, but I'm thinking that I might not find it so humorous these days. I've got a major anger chip on my shoulder, and it's making scenes in my life just not so pretty. The little things that happen on a daily basis that I should expect, or at the very least be numb to by this point, are regularly getting under my skin. I have more Momzilla moments than I care to admit, and I'm wondering if I have any enamel left on my molars. (From all the gritting of my teeth, that is.)

So, what's the deal? Am I angry at my husband? No, that's not it. I mean, of course, since we share our day-to-day lives, there are things that we get ticked at each other for, but is my anger sourced there? No, of course not. This is the man that I declared would be my life partner way back almost 15 years ago. (Yeah, we were only dating for a month or so at that point, so I made that declaration in my head, not to be voiced out loud until much later!) I love him dearly, and I live in regular disbelief that he ever signed on for the long haul with me in the first place. So is it the kids? Well, JAM has his challenges, I'll be the first to say that, but when I really stop to think about it, he's a damn good kid, on so, so many fronts. Yes, Red screams like a fricking banshee whenever she even hears the initial consonant sound of the word "no" in response to a question she's asked, but she's two, so I have to remind myself that she's just playing her part, and this, too, shall pass. (God, I do hope this will pass.) And Pudge? What in the heck is there to be angry about with him? My dear little one-year-old boy. Even as he's beginning to exert his feelings with his newly emerging trick of throwing things down in a huff, he's still an amazingly sweet soul under all that adorable baby fat.

So, where is this anger coming from? There's an easy answer. It's one that I would love to write about at great lengths, in vivid and technicolor detail, laying out the case for why the word 'family' should never be assumed to have a squishy, tenderhearted connotation. But, seriously, what would be the point of that? While it would most likely be read by the associated prying eyes and subsequently shared with the rest of camp, it would never be heard or understood or respected in any sort of fashion. That ship sailed a long, long time ago, and there's no foreseeable return trip on the horizon. (Take that as you will, but remember that these are MY words on my blog, not representing anyone else, not even lovely hubby.)

While I know so much of my anger stems from specific events and experiences and people in my life so far, I don't think that it's fair to say that those are the causes of the bad feelings that have been rearing their ugly heads as of late. It's not easy to say this, but I think that the object of my anger right now is me. I'm so frustrated and pissed that I've let garbage get under my skin, when I know in my heart what is right. I'm disappointed in myself that I let those bad feelings come out in unrelated situations. I'm mad that I'm allowing myself to stay mad, and I truly want to find a way to change that, and to find the strength to not let my anger rise up in ugly ways. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not picking up a baseball bat and rampaging down the street, but even if it's as simple as yelling at the kids too much, it's still a problem in my eyes.

So, dear blogging world-- got any anger management tricks up your figurative sleeves? Or any suggestions for letting go of ugly feelings toward ugly-behaving people? Or any good recipes involving chocolate and peanut butter? (Gotta end on a lighter note, right? And I think chocolate and peanut butter can probably make any bad situation just a little bit better...)

blathering nonsense (about) lyrics

I have this goal to post more frequently this month... you know, because December is such a not-much-going-on type of month and all. That being said, I tried to write something, anything, earlier today during the kids' naptime, but to no avail. When that happens, I figure I've got but one trick up my sleeve. Let's get us some bnl!

I'm pulling out one that was an instant favorite when I first feasted my ears upon the newly released CD five years ago. While I tend to gravitate toward songs that Steven Page sings lead on, every once in a while an Ed Robertson lead jumps to the top of the list. This is definitely one of those songs.

Song title: For You
Album: Everything to Everyone
Year of Release: 2003

Once again, we're going to visit with Ed in his bathroom for this one. Pull up a potty seat.

For You

I have set aside everything I love
I have saved everything else for you
I cannot decide what this doubt's made of
Though I thought over it through and through

In a book in a box high upon a shelf
In a locked and guarded vault
Are the things I keep only for myself
It's your fate but it's not your fault

And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

There is nowhere else I would rather be,
but I can't just be right here
An enigma wrapped in a mystery,
or a fool consumed by fear

And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

I will give you all I could ever give
Though it's less than you will need
Could you just forget, if you can't forgive
All the things I cannot concede

And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

So, what is it about this song that makes my heart clench a little bit every time I hear it? I really don't know. The lyrics are simple enough, and it's not even that I identify with the story behind them. I think it's just another one of those juxtapositions that seem fairly common with my favorite Canadians-- the music is beautiful when the story is actually quite the opposite. I think above all, the simplicity itself of this song is what appeals to me. Even the version on the album is not that much more musically complicated-- other than some added harmonies, it's pretty much as acoustic as Ed has presented here in his bathroom. To me, the lyrics are straightforward and painfully honest, but absolutely internal, and not anything that would ever be stated to a loved one. So, while it's raw and truthful, it remains hidden- a thought to never be shared.

Or maybe I'm just being way too freaking fluffy about this song, and I just dig the guitar work of Mr. Robertson.

how can you sit there so comfortably when your pants are ALWAYS on fire?!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I have about as much respect for the 'work' that GWB did as President over the last 8 years as I have for a dog walker who doesn't clean up after his dog's mess. That's more than appropriate since the result of that situation is also what I liken to the legacy left by GWB. A big old smoking pile of poo.

Once again, Jon Stewart to the rescue. When I begin to feel like I can't exactly express myself clearly about the ridiculousness of this administration, and I seriously begin to worry that my frustration is going to cause a head explosion of some sort, along comes Jon Stewart. I need say no more, let's just go to the clip.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

End Times Countdown - Bush Exit Interviews

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

now posting regularly

It's been a while since I sang the praises of my beloved NPR, so the other day when I heard this story, I thought it was perfect for the reappearance of this not-so-regular feature. What better topic to address than acorns. And no, I'm not getting all politicky again-- this is about actual little acorns that you usually see dotting the autumn ground, not ACORN the voter registration folks who made sure that Daffy Duck got his name on a list. Not too long after I heard the piece on NPR, I saw that my friend Corinne had posted about the effects of this strange story on her own personal life just the other day as well. Curious yet? Go ahead- check it out.

And for one last NPR-related note, this morning during Morning Edition, Steve Inskeep told a quick story in a transition moment that made me laugh out loud. Remember when good ole, "you betcha" SP got punked by those Canadian radio dudes? Well, Representative Ileana Ros-Lehtinen wasn't going to be today's latest funny story, so when she got a call from Barack Obama, all she could think was, "Yeah right!" and proceeded to hang up. Can you guess what happened next?

Gotta love NPR for the serious, and the occasional not-so-serious news updates.

this may, or may NOT, be for you

Yes, the title of this post is an open admission that some of you dear loyal readers may simply not be interested in viewing this little video. I've refrained from posting about my personal feelings about the passing of Prop 8 in California for a wide variety of reasons, but I simply need to share this video from funnyordie (a site that could quite possibly consume my daily life if my dang laptop wasn't having so many technical difficulties). This piece is obviously attempting to inject humor into an incredibly serious issue that most people seem to have vehemently strong feelings about, but I think it also does a good job satirizing the topic as a whole. Clearly this may be offensive to some, so I'm just going to generalize that if you were a proponent of Prop 8, then you probably will want to move on to something else about now. (You could read a funny story about my dear two year old spy-in-training, next post down.)

As the site states, A star-studded cast turns out for Marc Shaiman's "Prop 8 - The Musical."

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die