Oh, I really hate being wrong.
The story comes out as we're walking back home from the bus stop, and I found myself, for probably the 70 millionth time, wishing that I could just package my not-so-little-anymore boy up and hide him away from the all the crap that kids seemingly have to go through. Here's how it went down. The morning bus driver has made it a new habit to come and pick the kids up 5-8 minutes earlier than she is scheduled to and then simply drive away. Well, yesterday morning, there were several kids running out of apartment buildings as she began driving off, but thankfully they were noticed, and she pulled over so they could get on. One of these children was a friend of JAM's, and according to him, his friend's mom doesn't like him to sit in the far back of the bus. So JAM was sitting in the middle and called out to his friend to join him when he boarded the bus. Two fifth grade boys (who were already sitting together, as they do every day, according to JAM) responded to this by repeatedly calling JAM "Gay Man" and "Gay Boy," apparently missing the irony of their own seating arrangement.
Unfortunately, it doesn't even end there. After they arrive at school, and JAM is getting settled into his classroom, those two boys pass by his open classroom door en route to their own room and call out their lovely nickname for him once again. And, yup, again on the afternoon bus ride home. By the time he got off the bus in the afternoon, he was really frustrated and just plain ticked off. He said that he had told them to stop several times, but that just didn't do anything.
Well, our dinner conversation revolved mostly around this event, and we reiterated things that we've talked about before- bullying behavior, why kids tease other kids, different reactions that are appropriate when you're being teased, the whole shebang. And yet, I found myself really stuck on the content of this harassment, and I tried to emphasize to JAM that the word 'gay' is not meant to be used as an insult. That it is simply a word to describe grown-up people who find themselves wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone of the same gender. I found myself wanting to emphasize to him that this isn't a quality upon which someone should be judged-- this is simply what someone is. I know that I'm treading into potentially dangerous waters here, but this represents my belief system and the values that I want to instill in my child. I don't want him growing up and thinking that people who are gay are 'others,' and thus somehow less than he is. I really found myself frustrated with the multiple levels of inappropriateness of the whole incident-- especially with our dear 8.5 year old boy who still seems to be oblivious to the whole idea that someday he'll like someone in a romantic way, anyway! I have this constant question in my mind about what situations warrant contacting the school administration, and I hesitated for just a moment before deciding to email the principal last night. For me, the biggest factor was the fact that this particular type of teasing happened on three separate occasions throughout the day, and I figured that if I didn't do something, there was the major potential for it to continue unchecked.
As a postscript, I must say that I was quite pleased with the actions that were taken and the spirit in which our concerns were received by the school administration. I'm satisfied that the incident was handled appropriately, and I'm hoping that it's over now. I know that the few of you who, for some reason, read these words of mine are also parents-- what would you have done?
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