A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
"I'd like to be six again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you jackass!"
How about another? Can't go wrong with children's supposed test answers, right?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.' A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you beeight.
Enough with the reading now... let's move to the pictures! These two cracked me up!
Advertising your awesome cat is, well... awesome!
I love pie. My empty section would be MUCH bigger.And now, for the grand finale. I have an old friend (as in describing our friendship, not my friend herself) whose 8 year old son has always come out with the funniest stuff. She emailed the following interaction, which I have permission to share with you here. It's an absolute original...
Funny 8-year-old: "Mom, why are kindergarteners always talking about their butts? It's always 'Poopy this and poopy that. And older kids are always talking about their penises."
Fantastic Mom: "Well, there's this guy who believed that we go through stages that are all about butts, and then all about penises."
Funny 8-year-old: "First, with babies, it's all about their mouths, then with kindergarteners it's their butts, and then it's about their penises. It doesn't go any higher than that."
Fantastic Mom (who's pretty fun in her own right!): "Well, you might be right. For boys, maybe it doesn't go any higher than their penises."
Hoping you had a laugh or two,
LOL - Fantastic Mom is pretty much dead to rights on that, I think. :D
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd say the kid who said premature death was a disease associated with cigarettes was pretty smart.
HA! I LOVE that cat poster. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteYes, having some laughs now. Very funny.
ReplyDeleteI'll add in my favorite cute sign/saying that was hung in my friend's mother's home:
Some mornings I wake up grouchy.
Other times I let him sleep.
The awesome cat picture kills me every single time. Whoever did that is a genius.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, Fantastic Mom hit the nail on the head.
Gotta love what the kids have to say. They're... pretty special. :)
ReplyDelete