comings and goings

I'm not a fan of the road trip. I don't enjoy packing the essential belongings for five people, which incidentally include one person's can't-live-without-it pillow, approximately 72 books (per child), and a bizarre amount of products purchased from the health and beauty aisle of Target for a person who doesn't even make that big an effort on personal appearance. Anywho, that's all to say that I don't find one thing happy or joyful about making packing lists (and checking them 47 times, the obsessive-compulsive-Santa way), sitting in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes with my whining brats lovely children, and then unloading the van with an unmeasurable amount of shame at the ridiculous number of bags we have in our possession.

That being said, our last two weekends have involved what I refer to as road trips, but which would probably not even measure as a leisurely jaunt to other folks-- once about 3 hours south and the other about 3.5 hours north. The trip that involved driving toward the bottom of the map was a family affair, to spend an extended weekend with my dear in-laws, with a visit to my favorite museum ever and some much-needed relaxing times. For our northern bound adventure, we headed up to a house that was rented by some good friends for their annual college-friends-weekend-bash. Unfortunately, the bash is not so much kid-friendly, so we didn't attend the beer drinking and meat eating event, but went for the after-party of sorts-- more kid-focused, with lots of hanging out in the pool and playing bocce on the putting green/bocce court in the yard. (Oh, and hot tub time under a sky that had actually-visible stars!! To be out of the DC metro area and see stars!!) It was a blissful weekend, with a surprise bonus of extra long naptimes for Red and Pudge who were apparently exhausted each day by 1:00 pm, which allowed for adult time to be had in the middle of the day-- something that is practically unheard of in our lives!

To top it all off, lovely hubby and JAM are on the road again tonight, heading back down the southern route, but only one of them will be making the trip back tomorrow. That's right folks, it's time for JAM's annual Camp Grandparents. This year that means five days of his own exclusive vacation, being the absolute center of attention, calling the shots for activities, being able to play Legos and Star Wars guys without any little hands grabbing at his stuff, and not having to be quiet between the hours of one and three. He's thrilled, and I'm excited for him to have this special time. This was, however, the first year that Red was old enough to understand what was going on, and when she first asked what the deal was, she was none too happy to get the answer. Thankfully, by the end of the evening, she said goodbye to her big brother no longer spitting fire, and she even hugged him and asked him to say hi to the grandparents for her.

So all of these comings and goings got me thinking on a few random trails. One, how much I stress about a trip-- making the lists (which will now and forever be SO MUCH easier since my friend shared her excel file with me... I've made my adaptations and it is frigging amazing!), prepping the house for us to be gone (and to have a clean place to come home and mess up with our gazillion bags), and other assorted have-to-dos before I feel comfortable heading out. I really need to chill out with it, but in the moment it's just so damn overwhelming. Ugh. It would be nice to find some balance with that.

A second thought was just how fortunate we are to be able to get away as a family. How regenerating that was-- several of our regular rules were off: JAM played an embarrassing amount of Wii, all of the kids ate lots of junk food throughout the day, I didn't check email for two days (WHAT?!?!), and ultimately... we all survived. I don't want to live that way every day (my lord, I would go into convulsions on day three of no email...), but it provided a beautiful respite from the every day. The every day returned once we got home, and there were loads and loads of laundry to do, along with more than one upset tummy, but it all evened back out by the next day.

And finally, as lovely hubby and JAM grabbed their bags and walked out tonight, I experienced a physical feeling in my gut that was a combination of love, anticipation and sadness, and probably a few other less easily identified emotions. I pulled JAM in for a longer than usual hug, noticing again that he's getting to a height that makes it not too comfortable to pull him into an embrace. (Seriously, I shouldn't squish his face into my boobs, right? I'm not an Italian grandmother, so I don't think I pull it off without it just being awkward.) And, above all, I realized that I will miss him tremendously while he's gone. My firstborn who frequently embodies the label "challenging child," my boy who deserves so much more patience than I've yet learned to practice, my about-to-turn-nine year old who has grown into such a handsome, articulate, and creative guy-- I will miss him for the next few days. Since this summer has been marked by a few free-range adventures, it only seems right to record my feelings of joy and 'sorrow-lite' in the face of my big kid getting even bigger. I don't want to feel sad about this, obviously, but if I'm being truly honest, it is a difficult fact to acknowledge that the early part of his childhood has passed, never to come again. In the place of lap snuggles and cuddling, come different ways of connecting, and a little bit of mourning days gone by simply has to co-exist with the excitement of new things to come.

Alrighty, I've rambled my way through another meandering post, saying nothing groundbreaking or revolutionary in the world of parenthood. Time to sit with my thoughts in my quiet house, and then retire to a queen bed's worth of space all to myself. Oh, and to begin on the next round of trip preparation, since we head north to my parents' house in just 7 days. Yeah, that one's a 7 hour drive, at the very least. God help us all.


Missing my oldest boys,