clean-slate syndrome

Hello 2011!  Happy wishes for this new year to you all, and I've been thinking so far today about the newness and appeal of the changing of the year and all that it seems to signify.  A clean slate.  Another chance.  A brand new year open for positive possibilities.  I'm not saying that 2010 was the worst year ever, but man oh man, it sure did slap us around for a bit here and there.  I'm happy for the fresh start, even if it comes with gray skies and a wee bit of a headache.  (Riesling, I do adore you.)

I know this is the time of resolution making, and the urge to declare all our good intentions is hugely compelling.  The problem lies in the fact that, like everything in life, newness begins to fade, and what was exciting soon becomes just the everyday.  But I can't help but acknowledge the earnestness that I feel in this moment, and the fact that I have a phrase rattling around in my brain. 

Let go.

With the new year serving as a pseudo-therapist for so many of us, I'm lying down on the virtual couch and spilling out my deepest, darkest would-be resolutions, all of which revolve around letting go.

Let go of the resentment and anger.  It's clearly not doing any good, and there have got to be better avenues to resolution when it comes to loved ones.  As far as the ones who have only caused hurt and embarrassment with their deliberate actions, no more mental energy should be spent on thoughts of them. 

Let go of the fear of being perceived as a failure.  It's stopping me from even trying to succeed, and leaving me feeling stuck in bad habits.  Focus on the things that mean the most in life right now- being the mom my children need, being present in my marriage, listening to the voice inside that wants to be expressed in writing, enjoying the company of good friends and good books.

Let go of the need for perfection.  It's a crippling pursuit with zero chance of success.

Let go of the idea that change is inevitably disastrous.  Life WILL change this year, that much is certain.  By year's end, the flow of daily life won't resemble today's in the slightest, and that's that.  Only fearing it and assuming the worst ensures the very disaster that I fear.

Let go of self-hatred.  Finding things that I like about myself to embrace and build upon may be the hardest of them all, from the shallow to the more meaningful, but it has to be done.


Last year, my focus was to remember to love, and I'm not too sure how I'd evaluate the success of that endeavor.  In some ways, I feel more connected to those whom I love more than ever, but in other ways, I feel I've inadvertently pushed people away, in many ways related to the issues I'm thinking about today.  May the eagerness I feel in this very moment continue to find a place in my thoughts throughout the year!


Clean slates and fresh starts all around,