The Intersection of Parent and Playmate

Originally published on DC Metro Moms, 3/4/10, and picked up for publication by the McClatchy group for syndication, appearing in 13 online newspaper editions, 3/8/10:

 Right off the bat, let me clear up any potential confusion from the above title- think in the direction of that old children's song, "Playmate, Come Out and Play with Me," and not of the Hugh Hefner connotation to the word.   Now that we have that straight, let's see how effectively I can sort out my thoughts about my role as a parent when it comes to my children's entertainment.  You see, I recently read a blog post and an article by Lenore Skenazy, an author who I deeply respect, and the topic is one that has definitely filled my own thoughts as well as conversations with friends or general playground chit-chat-- playing with our children.

While I'm not particularly a fan of the title itself, officially I am in the "stay-at-home-mom" category for occupation.  Yes, the salary is ridiculously awful, and the hours are ungodly, but it's the right answer for me and my family right now.  After we send their big brother off to school each morning, my 2- and 3-year old children and I settle in for our day, which usually consists of toys scattered around the entirety of our small house and an outdoors jaunt if the weather cooperates, interrupted at periodic breaks for reading books, eating and napping.  I have tried to set up our small home in a way that the children's toys and art materials are easily accessible for them, and they are close enough in age to still be interested in the same kinds of play.  Seems ideal, right?


Then please explain to me why I can sometimes feel guilty if I choose to pick up my book to read while the kids play together.  Worse yet, if I dare to spend a few minutes on Facebook or attempt to blog in the middle of the morning, I can hear the voice in the back of my head.  I'm very familiar with the voice, since it really only has one line that it has repeated many times for the almost ten years of my parent status.  It's the "You're not a good parent" voice, and I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who hears it.  I guess I don't hear the voice so much when I'm occupied with the have-to-do tasks that can call me away from giving my full attention to the kids.  Hey, if they want food to eat, clothes to wear, or a carpet to play on that isn't covered in debris, Mama's got to do some housework throughout the day.  But what about the bigger question at play here?  (Sorry, I'm a sucker for a bad pun.)  Should we be playing with our kids?

Even typing those words makes me cringe a little bit, because my gut reaction is to say that, in theory, YES, of course we should be playing with our children.  We love them, we should spend time with them doing what they love, right?  But, I'd be lying if I said that I'm always pumped to pull out the Little People and play house, or that rolling trains around in circles brings me a thrill.  I feel extremely selfish to say that I'd often rather hang out near the kids with a novel in hand while they play amongst themselves.  Not ignore them, per se, but not be directly involved in their play either.  Does that assertion legitimize that voice in my head?

The other perspective I bring to this is from my decade of preschool teaching, and I'll tell you right now that I felt like a much better teacher when I detached a little bit from a group of children and simply observed them at play.  From a slight outsider position, I could pose questions to the children that might help them to think more deeply about their play or scaffold their learning.  And more importantly, when an adult would become one of the players in a group of children, suddenly she would become the de facto leader.  Children who would have been perfectly content making suggestions for the direction of play among their peers would suddenly turn to the teacher to make the decisions.  But, doesn't that simply defeat the entire purpose of play?

I realize that I'm not in the role of classroom teacher for my own children, and I appreciate that my observational notes get to take the form of silly blog posts instead of written developmental reports.  For  me, my perspectives have to merge and, as it is with so many aspects of my life, I need to find balance.  I'm not saying that I'll be ignoring my children from here on out, but I think I'll be shushing that voice the next time the kids are playing happily together and I reach for the bookshelf.

This is an original DC Metro Moms post. 

Dawn blogs nonsense about her family at my thoughts exactly, and tries to sound intelligent when she reviews books at 5 Minutes for Books.