balance

I always feared climbing onto the balance beam in gym class. It took so much concentration just to get up there in the first place, let alone the process of moving from one end to the other. Fear would shake my legs, and I couldn't help but look down, suddenly seeing the few feet to the ground as a deep pit that was going to pull me down, breaking every bone in my body.

Life kinda seems like that balance beam right about now. It's been a huge challenge just climbing up onto the balance beam, and now that I'm up there, it's not even close to easy trying to move across. Whenever I look down, I'm crippled by fear, and those fears become magnified, bringing my emotions to the extreme. Busy feels like a level of nonstop going-going-going like none I've ever experienced before, and the tunnel seems so long that there's no light shining ahead.

But. Even with my complete and utter lack of any physical coordination, I never fell off that balance beam. Well, not at least too hard. Okay, I did fall off it, more than once, but I never got seriously hurt, just a bit embarrassed, really. I made it through the hell that was junior high and high school gym classes, and somehow I got past that stage of life and onto bigger and better things.

I predict that I'm going to fall once or twice throughout this new stage. Probably more than that, even. Odds are I won't pass through without a few bumps and bruises, but hopefully that will be the extent of the injuries. Just like then, it feels like this part of life won't ever pass, but someday, the kids will be grown, and maybe, just maybe, work will someday not feel like work.

I'm up there, wobbly legs and all, trying to make my way across without a glance down.



Striving for balance,