"I want to... uh... you know how they say, 'clear your name'? Well, I think people hear my name and think that I get in trouble a lot, and I don't want them to think that."
Yeah, so that conversation happened. Walking the dogs with my son, a few weeks before he begins fifth grade, he starts to describe to me what is essentially a self-improvement plan:
- get more organized
- be more thoughtful about who I hang out with
- make good choices at school
- bring my sketchbook to use during recess so I don't get involved in problems
Hearing all of this, one would think this must be a child who spent the previous year in and out of the principal's office and has long-standing disciplinary issues. One would be wrong. This is simply a ten-year-old boy. Period. Has he needed to have his behavior corrected? Of course, because he's a kid. But he apparently has internalized a lot more from the last year than I had expected.
I told him that I was impressed by the thinking and planning that he's been doing. I told him that setting some goals and doing some self-evaluation are a couple pretty mature actions to undertake. I also reassured him that he is a good kid. Even when we needed to talk with his teachers about some impulsive choices he made last year, it didn't change all the other positive skills and traits he has. Because the truth is, he truly is an amazing person.
Since he was little, he was drawn to even littler children. Picture a toddler squatting down to be eye-to-eye with an even smaller toddler or baby at play group. Imagine a preschooler taking the hand of a new classmate to show them around the classroom. Sit down for a meal and realize that you forgot a needed item -- a fork, your drink, the ketchup -- and watch as he jumps up to grab it for you, even if you're his older sibling who hasn't been the kindest to him all day. He's the kid that asks other people if they need something when he's heading up for a drink. This summer, he has cleaned the kitchen on the regular after we've neglected it the evening before. His hug offerings are frequent and often timed perfectly to when you're feeling down.
He's truly a good kid.
He's a sensitive guy in a world that doesn't appreciate sensitivity in little boys, or bigger ones, for that matter. His emotions are worn all over his face, and he's brought to tears in situations that some may feel warrant them while others aren't as comfortable with his crying. But when he explains that he was crying one night because he had been reading a book that depicted a homeless orphan sleeping on a pile of old socks and he looked around his room and saw all the ways he was fortunate... a child brought to tears at the sight of his own privilege and good luck? Tell me that kind of sensitivity isn't needed more in our children, regardless of gender.
This child, a delightful third in a family in which "boisterous" doesn't even begin to cover it, has my heart.
Please, fifth grade team and all other teachers and aides who will spend their days with this guy, please see him for who he is-- a person finding his place in the world, trying to meet the plenitude of expectations that we have for ten-year-olds. Sure, keep him in check when it's truly necessary, but also be charmed by his remarkable sense of humor. Notice the constant earnestness on his face, because his motivation to assist and please is inherently true.
As I write this, he sits next to me working on an intricate card, combing through online images of meteor showers to recreate in honor of his brother's Perseids-timed birthday. This boy is all heart, and I just know that he will grow to be a man who stays true to it.
Title inspiration: "Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)" by John Lennon and Yoko Ono
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