looking ahead

I have a nasty little habit of having a hard time of living "in the moment," as they say. Whether the present is relatively good or bad is irrelevant, because my eye always seems to be on what's coming next down the road. Upcoming events to look forward to sit right alongside my fears of what the next stages of our kids' lives will bring. I've been aware of this tendency in myself for quite a while now, but awareness doesn't counteract it.

Well, later this year, my family's life will most likely be veering from our usual path, with the probability that I'll be returning to full-time work outside the home. (Cue ominous music.) My anxiety level is skyrocketing every time I even think about it, and my worries could make an impressive (or terrifying) bullet listed-blog post of their own. From the simple logistics: How will each day flow? How early will we all have to be up to get out of the house on time? How are all the housework/dinner/laundry tasks going to get done? And then the deeper, more existential: How will I manage being a teacher and a mom and a blogger and a book reviewer and a columnist?

Sigh.

Changes will have to be made, and *news flash* I'm not a huge fan of change. Back when I was trying to wrap my head around the transition from working to staying home full-time, I was worried about not feeling fulfilled in my new role- ha ha ha ha! I'm more than fulfilled- I'm overflowing! Funny how perspectives can change in almost four years time. My worries now are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum-- I've found opportunities and ways to find fulfillment, and now I don't want to give them up.

I know that the fall is still quite a long time away from now, but I'm the type of person who needs to do some serious planning in preparation for changes... I guess I'm in phase one: getting out of denial.


Afraid of change,