a holiday by any other tradition

Memories are tricky things. I often assert things that I think are true about my own personal history, but I know that my memory can too often be murky and temperamental. But without anyone else to attest to my younger perspective, I guess I'll have to take my own word for it.

That being said, I've long asserted that Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday as a child. A series of images plays in my memory, like my very own childhood gif on loop in my head, involving walking into my grandparents' house on the morning of a turkey day years ago. Who knows if these images are all from the same day, or even if they're only of this particular holiday or a collection of memories from various holidays, seeing as most holiday gatherings had the same cast of characters in the very same setting. In fact, many childhood weekends were spent together with my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents in whatever residence my grandparents had at the time, but holidays had a little something more.

Walking down the hallway from the front door toward the living room, the sound of the parade was immediately evident and the various dinner prep smells promised a happy afternoon meal. Now, a regular weekend visit would often involve the sound of the television in the background and the aroma of something on the stove or in the oven, but on Thanksgiving, there were also bowls of snacks deposited around the living room as a bonus. Some may have held little candies, and others contained the contents of mixed nuts cans, I think, but the best ones? Those were most definitely the ones with pyramids of stacked whole walnuts, with the shiny, silvery cracker tools lying nearby.

Now mind you, I didn't eat walnuts as a picky child, but damn if I didn't love trying to crack those suckers open. I'm fairly certain I annoyed every single adult in my midst by asking if they wanted another walnut, but I couldn't help but want more opportunities to squeeze the hell out of a walnut, and bonus if I got to use the cracker's partner, the pointy pick, to get out the stubborn pieces!

The rest of the Thanksgiving memories are blurrier, but I know there was the usual laughter, piles of food, and with many or all of the family present-- grandparents, their seven children of my mom's generation, and a handful of cousins in mine-- my very own seat at the kids' table long past the years in which I considered myself a child.

Even though the memories aren't crystal clear, they are a part of me and I know that those big family experiences helped to shape me. I returned home for Thanksgiving those first couple years of college, but at some point after becoming one half of a duo, holidays began getting split among multiple families. Moving several states away from that familial home added another obstacle along with winter weather and work obligations. There were years that we were among the masses on I-95, but as our family grew that became less the rule and more the exception.

As a result, my children's Thanksgiving memories will be different than mine, for most of theirs have involved only our immediate family. I know that I carry some guilt for the fact that their experiences are different. No big family gatherings with an overflowing regular table and a card table with a vinyl fall-themed tablecloth covering it to make the auxiliary children's table. No crowds of cousins to play with or be in charge of, depending on your generational birth order. No loud conversations going in a thousand different directions across the table. (Okay, maybe this one isn't the best example.) Thanksgiving for my kids looks very little like the holiday from my memories.

Though not every year of our celebrations has been the same, there have been some recurring themes-- a walk in the woods, egg nog, pumpkin and chocolate pies, some leisurely parade watching, more egg nog, a few Thanksgivingish dinner dishes, and maybe another little glass of egg nog. Some years that food came in take out containers, others saw us cooking our own version of a special dinner. Our second to last November Thursday may not look traditional, but I do hope my kids will have happy memories.

Lake Hope, a first for our traditional T-day hike, and a magical setting in that 5 out of 5 family members called it a win!

Before the 4.5 mile+ hike, smiles abound. And, incredibly, everyone was still smiling at the end, too!

This is the view I love the best on a walk in the woods.

My usual place at the end of the pack has garnered many of these photos.

A late afternoon lunch of various cheeses, crackers, breads, and meats (along with a few apples, so-- healthy!) sets the tone for the rest of the day-- relaxing, low-key, and home-based. 

Dinner may not happen until closer to 8 pm tonight, and a roasted chicken has replaced the usual bird on the Thanksgiving menu, adding just another layer to our levels of nontradition. There may not be a crowd in our house tonight, and there was a definite lack of bowls of whole walnuts around the living room, but this is us on Thanksgiving.